My Own Little Version of Hell

I think the hardest thing I am dealing with right now is the fact I am without a steady job. Although I remain excited about the temporary position I was able to snag, I am depressed that I can't get any returns on resumes and applications already accomplished. The fact is I want to do something that will stimulate my mind and energize my soul. My soul is craving to be fed through work that will allow me to be who I am: a man who craves the need to delve into feminine illusion. Without work and a career in place to bring in financial support, the other part of me suffers greatly and further binds me into the feelings of emptiness and fraught with feelings of depression. But how serious am I about wanting to live as a woman? I'm not very sure. There are days where I am all about shaving my legs, making my face up all pretty, dabbing perfumed scents onto my body and dressing like a sexy woman. I feel like running down to the local VA Hospital or Planned Parenthood facilities and enroll in therapy and HRT (hormone replacement therapy). Then there are days like last night where I went and visited a transgendered friend and had a flood of confused emotions coursing through every vein of my being. I was not sexually aroused though there was a fleeting moment where electricity was sparked as she helped me understand my wig and dressing for my body type. She said I have the body that would be more suited for long skirts and tops. I want my body to be more curvy and thinner and be able to wear figure hugging skinny jeans and sexy club wear. I starve myself in the morning only to regret it later in the day when I gorge myself on every unhealthy snack there is...like chips and ice cream. Soda is my weakness. I crave Mountain Dew like a sprinter craves air and water at the end of a 400-yard dash. I managed to only sip one last night but had a beer to make that all for naught. Then there is the problem of me wanting to be with a man as a woman and then not being into it once I get close to making it a reality. It's sickening how the mind is so powerful and denies one their sexual impulses and desires. It's like being excited to go to a movie with rave reviews only to be firmly disappointed at the end. I could go to the VAH and undergo therapy but the process of getting appointments in a timely fashion is just impossible. Going months between appointments only allows life to get in the way. Life is firmly in the way and I am absolutely clueless on how to eradicate the power it has on my happiness.

Marvel Avengers Alliance: A Cautionary Tale of Corporate Criminality

Not everything in my life is great at the moment. Although I'm excited about working for the first time in three years, I am heavy-hearted. My favorite hobby while going through school these past couple of years had been playing Marvel Avengers Alliance on Facebook. Well, I have been banned from playing any game under the Playdom umbrella because I finally had tired of the company not responding to complaints or calls for better and fair play. They literally do not care for their customers and find it impossible to check their email to address customer complaints with their product. It led me to try and get their attention through more adversarial ways which led them to finally respond by suspending my account for one only knows for how long. They didn't bother saying if it was a lifetime suspension, or a month-long suspension or anything similar. They just up and decided to give me the death penalty without any other intermediate course of action. They did refund $285 that I had poured into the game but that was a far cry from the 1200 USD I had invested in the game. Not to mention all the time and effort put into playing their game day in and day out. They literally took my money and ran away from the issues that I was trying to enlighten them on. I didn't use the most sound methods of enlightenment but, as I said, the company refused to check their email until I decided to test them with a more demented but calculated approach. I told them I was suicidal and cursed them up and down. They finally responded. It was like it took that approach to get any response from them whatsoever. Their response was thunderous and callous considering the ignorance they took toward me as a customer through previous emails. Even after they took the death penalty route, I tried to apologize numerous times with all of those emails either given the status quo answer or being ignored altogether. It proves the point that they don't care about the customer and only decide to get involved when there is serious language involved. At that point, they just decided to cut the cord. Gone was nearly two years of effort and time put into the game. Gone was $1000. Gone was other games where I hadn't made a complaint under those applications. There was no warning. There was no effective dialogue. It was just an email saying they were revoking my profiled games and that they would refund the last 30 days. Seriously? I expect greater effort from this kind of company to keep their players satisfied. But instead they just refuse to communicate. It's typical behavior of companies and corporations whose only concern is the money coming in...not the consumer's happiness with the product.

The US Open and Graciousness

It's not often that one is ecstatic about finding temporary work, but I was more than excited that I had been given a chance to work this year at the US Open. The one I am talking about is the USGA event which will feature both the men and women competing at Old #2 at Pinehurst. This so happens to be the first time one location has been selected to host both championships. It's also my first employment since earning my Bachelor's Degree in Criminal Justice from Fayetteville State University. Before being given the opportunity I had tried unsuccessfully to find jobs that would be more permanent in nature. This opportunity comes from Andy Frain Services, a company that has been providing security for sports and entertainment since 1924 at Wrigley Field. No matter what happens or comes out of working for them, I look at this opportunity as a gateway to better things and feel gracious that they hired me to work one week (pending other scenarios).